Yhello Everyone!

I have recently created a new thread in the Storytelling section. The thread is titled "Truth & Lies" and currently has only an introductory segment. The segment is told from the perspective of an aged 36809, supposedly after his death, through the method of recording. 36809 is a curious individual, after his death it became apparent, to the foundee, that he had recorded his life through rather airtight sound files stored in a series of portable memory discs stashed away and hidden only to be found a measure of time following his death.

The thread I have created is for upcoming story segments depicting the life, assignments and personality of 36809 and how it evolves from the incredibly patriotic, almost brainwashed, man into the wiser, pondering and slightly mentally unstable hermit which he apparently, analyzing through the sound recording, he has become.

I have created this thread to contain comments, discussion and suggestions for the story itself. Why you might ask. Why not keep the story discussion of it in the story thread itself?

The answer is quite simple. Due to the extensive line fo stories I plan to put out I have decided to ask of you not to write in the story thread itself until the project is finished (which will take a while) and instead, if you do have something to say about the story, the idea or just tell me I've gone insane, post in this thread.

I am not entirely sure if the thread can be locked everyone aside from moderators, admins and me but to keep it easy for our beloved forum administrators I am simply suggesting that we keep all the posting to this thread and keep the story thread itself tidy and 100% story!

I'll put it out there for Lunarwolf or anyone with knowledge of how the forum works. Is it possible to restrict posting in the story thread to myself, administrators and moderators?

Also, if you have anything to say please post it under here!

Thanks everyone!

Cheers!

- 36809

PS: You may think it is selfish of me to already set the future of my character. You may say that this prevents him dying in upcoming roleplay's we have in store. To you nei-sayers I can (apart from saying 'cooome ooon') simply say that, if it is any consolation, if 36809 is faced with a situation where he will not escape with his life there is always some excuse you can pull of to him surviving and becoming a hermit like a certain old Ben!

First of all I'd say this a great idea! And I personally wouldn't worry about writing from your character's perspective in the future precluding him from in-game/RP death. I doubt SWTOR will feature permadeath and I don't think many RP GMs would be so cruel!

I really like this first instalment – it gives a great flavour of who and what your character will become. It's spoken with the detached wisdom of age and hindsight but with enough melodrama towards the end to reveal a poetic side which promises the tale he'll tell will not just be interesting, but also enjoyable.

Having said all that I think you've fallen into the same trap as I do when writing in the first person (here's where I get all deconstructive and nerdy ):

In your first paragraph there are in total 21 sentences. 15 of those sentences all begin with the word “I”; sometimes three, four or five sentences in a row. I only mention this because so many “I” sentences all in one place sometimes (and depending on the reader I guess) makes a piece of writing feel a bit like a legal document or a CV, rather than a narrative. Many of these sentences I understand are impactful because the very nature of beginning with “I am” or “I have” makes the information which follows a statement based on personal truth, so it's really difficult coming up with an alternative wording that doesn't dilute the meaning but will also entice people to read on.

I only mention this because personally I always find constructive criticism very helpful to my own writing.

But I really liked what I read and I'm looking forward to reading more!

Great work Axel

There's something interesting about a posthumorous look at a persons life, it always works excellently in literature & film if you ask me! Add some Star Wars into that and we're onto a winner

I've locked the original thread for you. Just give Sureshot, PrioryJK or myself a quick PM when you have the next bit to put up and we'll unlock that bad-boy for ya.

Interesting stuff Harewood and I fall into the same category as you, constructive criticism (even if it is harsh) I value very highly. I extend my gratitude for pointing it out, I'll have a look at the text again and poke around a bit in it. Don't feel that I'll be annoyed or angered by anything you have to say (even if I seem it) because deep down I really do value pointers and notes that may add to experience and assist me in future projects.

I'll start working on the first installment right away (I have to think of a plot for it first!).

Thanks for your vote of confidence to! I'll try not to disappoint you

Cheers!

Hello Forumers!

As I've said I created this thread to allow discussion concerning Truth & Lies as well as allow you as a reader to influence the story and suggest things you'd like to see in it. I'm in the middle of writing the first part and I would just like to know peoples opinion on something. I'm assuming you have looked at how I wrote the Eldritch Arrow and my question is would you prefer seeing these stories written in third person akin to the Eldritch Arrow or written in first person as I wrote the introduction to the story?

Writing it in first person would certainly be slightly more challenging and be a bit different but I am certainly up for it if you believe the result will be better!

So... what would you like to see?

Personally I think first person would work best. Not only for the continuity side of things, but it'd be great to have 36809 recounting his deeds over a holo-recorder or something similar.

That said the other option you could do is have somebody else reading through his documents (maybe someone he left them to?) and the story could slip between third and first person (in a way similar to how films do it where the narrator becomes so involved in the story that it swaps to the first-person).

Hopefully that makes some kind of sense?

EXAMPLE: As it is done here, in The Princess Bride:

(Man, I'm tempted to watch the whole thing on youtube now...)

I just posted an edited version of the introduction to Truth & Lies providing the reader with a description of the person who has discovered the records. It is also edited a bit and hopefully I have reduced the amount of "I's" in the text like Harewood suggested!

Nice one Axel . I like the new addition of the files being discovered. Having a glimpse of where and how they are found adds even more intrigue!

Just added a new header for Truth & Lies. Hope y'all like it!

Woohoo! Its all gone a bit Drumond Kaas!

That be sexah!

Very nice indeed sir!